Just 99 cents (plus your integrity)
Remember planning your Sea Monkey empire as you carefully cut out this unnecessarily detailed ad before bolting down to the post office to mail it off? On the long walk back home you envisioned Maximus, your Sea Monkey King escorting you to school each day and taking care of any oncoming bullies by whiplashing their face with his venomous tail, rendering them hideously deformed for life.
In a time before stringent advertising laws, comic books not only tried to sell us hoards of useless shite, they actually succeeded.
Are you ready for a trip down 'I got so ripped off' memory lane?